Most people don’t set out to accumulate wealth for the sake of it. Rather, people want to live comfortably and provide for their families. After that, many hope to put their money to work in the world.
Truly maximizing your wealth requires you to manage it with intention. And those conversations require you to touch on more than just your finances.
What are your family values?
Conversations about values can be difficult. Even when we value the same things—hard work and bravery, for example—we may have different opinions about how to live with those values. To that end, it’s important to have conversations with your family about these topics to make sure everyone is on the same page.
You might consider starting with big-picture conversations. For instance, ask each family member what they value most. You can always include a list of words to choose from, like freedom, independence, stability, ambition, loyalty, hard work, and so on.
From there, you can have more targeted conversations: What does loyalty mean to you? Do you value independence in your relationship, or with your finances? You can see how follow-up questions can evolve into important conversations.
Keep in mind: There’s help available when it comes to having these types of difficult conversations. You can use various documents or prompts to help guide the conversation, or even ask a financial advisor to facilitate.
Ultimately, talking about family values helps you set the stage for the next important question: Is your wealth aligning with your values?
The importance of family meetings
While you can certainly approach weighty conversations about family values over dinner on any given day, it’s often helpful to hold a special meeting to discuss these topics more formally. Ultimately, the values your family agrees on should impact your finances and legacy—your investment strategy, estate plan, philanthropic objectives, and even your tax strategy—all of which require a certain amount of formality.
Despite their name, family meetings can involve non-family members; for example, it can be very beneficial to invite members of your financial team to these meetings. At Quorum Private Wealth, we often join or facilitate family meetings for clients. We’ve also seen clients invite attorneys, accountants, and other experts to join and help ensure everyone in attendance is on the same page about important issues.
Your family meetings might include a theme, such as financial literacy for teens and younger adults, or aging and long-term care for siblings who may need to support elderly parents.
Keep in mind: There’s a difference between family meetings and family governance. If your family wealth involves shared ownership of assets —whether it’s a family business, an estate, or similar—you may need to create a legal outline for how decisions get made. This is especially true if your wealth extends across multiple generations, as it may start to encompass multiple branches of a family tree. Just remember: Legal structures should complement, not replace, family meetings. Regular gatherings can help with transparency; you may be able to identify any potential issues before they escalate.
Getting started with family meetings
If you aren’t sure where (or even when) to start, a financial advisor may be able to help.
At Quorum, we use specific prompts to help guide a conversation around values. Instead of starting with big-picture values and narrowing them down, we’ll share different statements and ask whether you agree or disagree with the sentiment and why.
We might use cues like: We value raising productive and responsible children. If you strongly agree with that statement, the follow-up conversation might include your metrics around productivity and responsibility. How do these values relate to other qualities, like generosity or kindness?
We group these prompts into four categories: relationships, community, lifestyle, and finances. While these topics are all interconnected, choosing one category at a time can help narrow the focus of each discussion. One of the best parts about asking a financial advisor to facilitate your meetings? There’s less pressure on you to have an “aha” moment.
A good advisor can listen to your family discussions, ask targeted follow-up questions, and walk away with a solid understanding of your family’s goals, risk tolerance, and more. They can reflect your family values back to you, incorporate them into a broader financial plan, and use them as guideposts for future meetings and planning discussions.
Keep in mind: A good financial advisor will not try to influence your values. These are your family values, not the advisor’s.
If you aim to get started with family meetings on your own, think about the practical implications of your family values. If you value independence—how does that translate into supporting your children financially in adulthood? If you’re deeply religious, have you worked to optimize any financial contributions to religious groups or charities?
At the end of the day, holding family meetings to help you get aligned on family values can add a new component to building wealth. While money may not buy happiness, building wealth tends to carry more meaning when it’s done intentionally.
